Fieger Trial: A Special Thanks To Spence
I'm home now, back in Connecticut, after a long day of travel and alot of time to think about the doings in USA v. Fieger. The Government is about to rest, and then there will be fireworks aplenty. But before reassessing the trial, a long look in the mirror is in order. What I see will take a long time to sort out.
I hadn't seen Spence in about eight years, and our correspondence broke down when I decided to shake loose of the man. I've been hard on him since, and publicly so. But I still wanted to see him in action, critique the courtroom persona against the man walking the hills at dawn in Wyoming. I was nervous, though. I did not want a confrontation with him. Indeed, I expected not to talk with him at all.
I stood outside Judge Borman's courtroom one morning, arriving early to make sure I had a seat. As I read, I heard a familiar voice booming down the hall, not quite so loud in the early morning hour. A man turned the corner. I looked down. But I could see the man pause as I came into view. There was a moment's hesitation, and then he came toward me, arms wide open. We hugged and took one another's measure. The we sat to talk about the trial and the ranch.
Odd how it seemed as though nothing had changed. We were two fishwives, comparing notes on the cost of justice. For the two days I observed trial, Spence flattered me by finding his way to where I was sitting, each time asking how he was doing, wondering whether he had pushed the envelope too far. How was the jury reacting?
I kept telling him I really don't know. I've been following the case in the papers, with snippets of gossip tossed my way from time to time. "You know," he said. As we talked, he pulled his client aside. I took Fieger's measure, and he mine, no doubt wondering why his famed lawyer was consorting with a tired looking man in jeans and a pony tail. Spence asked me to tell Fieger what I thought of something in the trial. I tried to protest, but Spence is, well, Spence. I was harsh, as is my way. Fieger was good natured and teased me about it the next day.
Folks came out to see Spence, just as I had. One stopped us as we talked to get a book autographed, another wanted to talk, sometime, someday, about something. After the first day of trial, I left quickly, leaving room for others.
"You snuck out," Spence said this morning.
"I figured you needed room to breathe," I said. He smiled.
At day's end, I put my hand out to tell him goodbye.
"You're leaving? Now?" he said.
"Yeah, I'm checking out a bookstore and heading home." I turned to go. Goodbyes are always hard for me.
"Norm," he called out, sitting in his chair, spent after a day of cross. I turn and start to walk toward him.
"You know, I've never stopped caring about you." Simple words that stun me into silence. I mumble something and turn to walk out the door.
All day I thought about his greeting and his farewell. All day I thought about what I learned from him in his Wyoming barns. I know now that he is no different in court than he is at the working play at the ranch. His talk matches his walk.
But I learned a whole lot more this week. The genius of the man is his embrace of fear. He could have returned my scorn by simply walking away. It occurred to him for a moment. But he never runs away. His hug was a confession of sorts, and it unstrung me. And the farewell? Again courage. There was blood on a courtroom floor and strangers milling about. Yet simple kind and loving words that took courage to utter.
I lacked the courage to return them then and there. I regret that.
The truth is that I've never stopped caring for him. Perhaps these words will find their way to him.
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